Empathy and Compassion

Last Saturday my daughter Janice sent a text message to me saying she's arriving late. She's going with friends to a funeral. Her classmate's Dad just died.

May 28 was the burial. My daughter asked permission to attend. I volunteered to drive for her and a couple of her friends.

I do not personally know the bereaved family. But my daughter was insistent she must go. She felt her presence can comfort her classmate somehow. I knew it would, so I was sure my time will be well-spent.

We attended the mass at the Assumption. After that, the throng of mourners trooped to the burial grounds at Orchard. Upon arrival, the mourners were seated and after settling, some songs were sang. A brief silence ensured after the songs, then the widow went up front and thanked those who were present. She was deeply emotional. We understood. And we wept with her.

When it was time for all the family members to take a last look at ther departed for the last time, it was an extremely emotional sight. One of the three children couldn't contain himself. He was trembling and almost collapsed. Fortunately, he was propped up by relatives.

I was moved. I can feel what they felt. I can put myself into their shoes. I knew what they were going through. And I was thankful I was there to add to the salve that eased their pain. Even if I was silently there. Even if they didn't know me.

But I knew some of those in the crowd. So I slipped an envelope to one of the widow's colleague and requested that she gives it to the widow. Surprisingly, the widow knew me. She saw me a few times when my daughter was still going to school. And she knew what we just went through. She understood, she was thankful, and she instanly and easily related. I felt sorry for them, I felt relieved and I felt happy that I was there. I felt I was able to walk with her in her shoes.

I was thankful that I went to the burial with my daughter. I was glad I had the opportunity to extend a bit of help. I knew it somehow eased a burden. In attempting to ease the pain in others, I felt better with my own pain.

Empathy - that's putting yourself in others' shoes. Compassion - that's walking with others in their shoes.

It's quite awkward. But it works - for both the walker and the owner of the shoes.